A

A goes into B until both have had enough - Mike Clark's philosophy of adult sexual relations, which is so self-explanatory that it is difficult to elaborate upon further and clearly explains the oft-cited lack of sexual interest demonstrated by his wife.

Abian, Alexander Dr. - A professor at the University of Iowa, he is generally accepted as the smartest man to ever be on the show. Developed a theory that proposed blowing up the moon as a method of ridding the Earth of pathogen, disease, and other various ills. Possesses a thick German accent, and is perhaps best known for his utterance of "I will fling you like baby poop."

Absolutely! - The usual and expected response to the question "Did you drink last night?"

Actual Audio - Uttered whenever audio from another unassociated event is played as if it was recorded at the event being talked about. Usually used to aide in mocking in said event.

Ahhhhhhhssshhole - Drawn out method of pronouncing the word "asshole." Generally used as a method of circumventing F.C.C. limitations on the number of occasions in which this word can be uttered on the air.

Al - Father of Marc, a morning show co-producer, considered to be some kind of an expert on the Twenty questions game. See "Huh Marc" and "Twenty Questions."

Alien Hand Syndrome - Actual medical condition that prevents affected individuals from controlling the use of their hand. Blamed for a variety of misdeeds, including murder and excessive masturbation.

Anchor - Term that describes any individual that tends to delay the progress of others. Individuals that write checks for small purchases, use excessive amounts of coupons, or unexpectedly ask others for transportation to or from social gatherings are common examples of this type of character.

Angry Spider - Synonym for the anus. For instance: "That fat bitch Lewinski tongue bathed Clinton’s angry spider."

Apparently - General term that is used to justify any false or misleading information provided. For instance, one of the hosts may state to someone on the telephone "Apparently we were supposed to have an interview" when indeed no such arrangements had been made. Similar to a negative sign that precedes a bracketed algebraic statement, this word renders all given data as highly suspect if not outright false.

Applegate Syndrome - Named after actress Christina Applegate, this term refers to a phenomena in which young, physically attractive females do not age well and eventually turn into skanks. See "Odometer Turning Over" and "Skank."

April 21 - Mike Clark’s birthday.

APW - Acronym for Abnormally Pink Weiner. Originates from the assumption that redheaded males have abnormally pink coloured penises. Most often used in reference to David Hall, an employee of Rock Financial, and actor David Caruso

Archie - Former doorman from Detroit that occasionally calls the show with entertaining thoughts and comments. Usually accompanied by the "Everything's Archie" song.

Armageddon - Word used to communicate the desire to conclude a sexual act. For instance, shouting this word may indicate to the other participant that it is time remove the gerbil from the anal cavity.

Art - An apparently homosexual member of Mike Clark's extended family who, as legend has it, made a serious of passes on Mike Clark's father, Dick. One incident involved pushing his head into Dick Clark's genitals during an apple picking trip and another was a hug that lingered on too long.

Art Backie - Older man from Iron Mountain, Michigan who was featured on a Subway commercial as a testimonial to the weight that possibly might be lost by eating Subway submarine sandwiches. Commercial is notable for the bad sound and often leads Drew to remark "Get on mic, Art"

Ass - Peculiar and unpleasant aroma that is difficult to define specifically, and the source of which is hard to determine or render precise. For instance, "This place smells like ass."

ATM - Abbreviation for "Ass to mouth". A sexual activity that needs no further explanation here.

Attic Farts - Flatulence thought to emanate from the upper regions, or "attic" of one’s bowels. Such emissions are generally recognizable by a stale, "dusty" stench that appears to haunt the "fart zone" for extended periods of time. See "Hang Time" and "Death Star Fart."

Audio Separated at Birth - Invariably, whenever a sound bite of someone’s voice is broadcast, listeners will call and state the name of another individual who sounds similar. A history of this process has revealed an uncanny accuracy rate that would appear to indicate that several of these individuals are related to each other and were indeed separated at birth.

Audio Talent Contest - An interactive game in which listeners call in and try to win prizes by impressing the staff with various audio-related skills, such as voice impersonations, mimicry of vomiting, fart imitations, or other such colorful demonstrations of vocal skill and ability.

August 16 - Trudi’s birthday.

August 25, 1995 - Anniversary of the incident where Mike left a drunken voicemail message requesting free Bowie tickets.

Austin - A passionate fan of Notre Dame football who called into the show to complain about the treatment that he and his elderly parents received during a game against MSU at Spartan Stadium

B

Baaaaaaattttttcccchhhhh!!! - Catch phrase of Mike while cheering for Detroit Lions quarterback Charlie Batch.

Babe - Mike Clark's preferred method of referring to male listeners. Thought to be kind of homo.

Babone, Mike - Canadian man that gathered signatures in an attempt to convince Jay Leno to allow him to be on the Tonight Show, and has actually appeared to be on the brink of getting his own cable show. A reference to him is sometimes used as a metaphor for that which is ludicrous.

Back Pressure - Medical condition significantly exacerbated by a saturated and voluminous testicular region. See "Full Bag" and "PSI."

Backman - Term that describes the individual responsible for clean-up and patrolling activities at video pornography booths. The basic job duties include the removal of discharged spermatozoa from the video screens and booth areas, expulsion of male and female prostitutes, and the banishment of men engaged in homosexual behavior on the premises.

Baggle - Mildly derogatory term used to describe someone that has lived long enough to be considered elderly, from the more common term "Old Bag". Also "Old Baggle".

Ball Walking - Describes the act of men parading about with their genitalia protruding from their trousers. Considered an act of macho swagger, this practice first came to light during the Tailhook scandal of the mid-1990’s.

Balls! - Utterance from Mike meaning "Darn!" or "Shucks!"

Base - the bottom area of the penis shaft. Usually used in reference to men who wear their pants extremely low, so much so that one might be able to see their penis.

Bean, Joseph W. - Author of the book "Flogging," which provides tutorial instructional on the art of beating other's genitals, often until bloodied. Available from Greenery Press.

Beard - Member of the opposite sex used to disguise an individual's homosexuality. For instance, Connie, Nancy, and Tess were all Drew’s "beards."

Beast, The - Nick name for Hillary Clinton.

Beating Someone with an Oar - Punishment invented by Mike after a plane crashed off the coast of Somalia and the natives used this penalty to castigate individuals that had hijacked the plane. Has been applied to a variety of scenarios in which punishment and water somehow could be applied together.

Beejer - The act of oral sex as performed on a male.

Being the Last One to Speak to an Old Person - Something to gloat over when the elderly individual in question passes away. This is generally accomplished at the end of an interview when both hosts attempt to be the last to yell "Bye!" into the phone before it disconnects. The tape of the interview will then be played back at a slow speed in order to determine the "winner."

Belting the Bald Bishop - Metaphorical term used to reference the act of male masturbation. Also "Floggin' it," "Punching the Clown," and "Wristin' it."

Bestiality - A history of the show demonstrates an indisputable fascination with this subject. Anytime that bestiality is mentioned anywhere in the media, Drew and Mike will find a participant, witness, or other bystander for interview on the show. To date, they have covered in-depth stories regarding humans having sex with turkeys, dogs, sheep, an individual in Sweden that actually raped 2 cows, and a guy that married a horse while also admitting to having sex with a dog.

Big Ole Baby - This phrase began with a tabloid story about a gigantic baby. The child's mother was interviewed via telephone, Elvis was somehow interjected into the conversation, and now any similar stories about colossal children must be referred to with this phrase, and only in an Elvis voice, such as "Ahhhhhhhh thas a big ole baby." This practice routinely creeps into other stories about large things, such as "Ahhhhhhhh thas a big ole house, car, etc."

BIIIIIITTTTCH!!! - Catch phrase of Mike, used to taunt, humiliate, or otherwise degrade any female thought to be deserving of such treatment. Also used as a sort of greeting and tribute. For instance: "To all the guys at ACME - BIIIIIIIIITTTTTCH!!!!!!!"

Bi-Lingual Man - Drew's alter ego when he attempts to communicate with a Spanish-speaking individual. Drew's grasp of the language is limited at best, consisting mostly of insults, and such attempts at conversation usually turn ugly rather quickly. See "Idiota."

Bitch Splitter - Misogynistic term describing a large penis, usually as associated with an individual of African-American decendency.

Bitch Titties - Insensitive phrase describing the attributes of male individuals suffering from hypermastia.

Bite People - Describes individuals with the penchant for requesting a bite of other people's food. Generally considered to be incredibly annoying anchors. See "Anchors."

Bloids - The tabloids, a frequent source of news, information, and entertainment on the show. See "Irresponsible Speculation."

BlueBoy Magazine - Homosexually-oriented magazine featuring nude photographs of young, clean-cut men. Subscribed to by show co-producer Marc Fellhauer.

Blue Shirts - An on-going discussion on the show concerning whether or not blue shirts represent a legitimate fashion trend. Mike has adopted the pro-blue stance, while Drew maintains that we live in a mostly white shirt dominated world.

Bob Boner - Double entendre-laden, horny, occasional guest of the show.

Boil Over - When a man's semen does not have enough energy kinetic energy to exit the penis fully during ejaculation and instead seems to bubble, boil, and leak from the penis. Generally considered to be demasculating. More often seen in older men with the next step in the progression being blowing dust. See "Dust"

Boinking - The act of sexual intercourse.

Bong Hit Championship - Cable-access television program in Seattle where contestants phone in to (206) 421-5005 and compete in order to determine who can take the longest hit off a bong, using the sound of the gurgling water as the quantitative standard. Hosted by Mark C., a 40 year old stoner guitar player that lives with his 71 year old mother. Was fired from a job as a Santa at Liquidation World for promoting the Santa gig on his show.

Bonnie - Mike's pussy little chick dog whose picture occupies a coveted place within his wallet. Best known for it's habit of constantly urinating and defecating throughout Mike's home. See "Skank (House Of)."

Boo Boo Boo Boo - A taunt designed to degrade and humiliate fans of an opponent's sports team. First used to ridicule Philadelphia Flyers fans during the 1997 Stanley Cup finals. Largely displaced by the use of "Tooooooooooo Bad!" in late 1999. See "Tooooooooooo Bad."

Boy In the Hood - Synonym for the clitoris.

Brass Nads - Describes male individuals thought to possess above average courage.

Brass Ovaries - Describes female individuals thought to possess above average courage.

Brody, Adrien - An actor known for more serious or dramatic roles who has become an ongoing joke on the show orginating from the fact that he resembles actor D.J. Qualls, who typically appears in lighter fare. The show will often times purposely interchange the names of the two actors as if they were doing so unknowingly. The show will usually continue the act despite an onslaught of phone calls and emails in an attempt to correct the mistake. For example: "Adrien Brody was wonderful in 'The New Guy'." See "Ling, Lisa", "Liu, Lucy", "Qualls, D.J."

Bruce - Former WRIF intern, best known for his fondness of disrobing in public.

Bruce PALtrow - This melodic piece is a sound bite of Gweneth Paltrow referencing her father during her 1999 Academy Award acceptance speech. As with so many of these definitions, a narrative description does little justice to the actuality.

Buffet Bob - Gravitationally-challenged individual that attracted attention from law enforcement officials when he apparently took an "all you can eat" invitation at a Chinese restaurant a little too seriously and nearly ate the place bankrupt. While this feat was indeed marginally amusing, his true entertainment value was established during his on-air interview, where he demonstrated a thorough preparedness for his 15 minutes of fame by being ready with several anti-Chinese witticisms and fat jokes.

Bumping Helmets - When the heads of two or more penises come in contact with eachother. Usually used in reference to the now defunct Ann Arbor Naked Mile run

Burnt Sienna - The crayon in the box that was always discarded first when Mike was a kid. Also, the color of feces.

Butt Good - A task performed quite well; a splendid job, as in "He put it to her 'Butt Good'."

Butt Mic - A wise fart that occasionally offers intellectual commentary on a variety of issues.

Buzz - Drew and Mike's supposed Supervisor. Created by Drew to be used when the person they are talking to over the phone to is responding particularly negatively to things they have said. Buzz usually ends up swearing at the person over the phone as if it's a part of his everyday speech and is generally used to continue to mock the person while appearing to make an attempt to appease them.

C

C and D - Cease and Desist. A judicial order occasionally imposed upon WRIF for any of a variety of legal infractions. Usually involves the airing of musical performances that have not been officially released by the owners of the recording, such as Van Halen.

Cable Guy, The - Individual that made a multitude of telephone calls to his cable television provider in order to complain about a service outage. The recorded messages represent an incredibly eloquent and articulate string of profane narratives that have come to epitomize the general outrage felt by anyone that has ever attempted unsuccessfully to gain assistance from a service industry organization.

Cal Ripken Jr. Record - The Drew and Mike Show first went on the air in Novemver 1991. From this time until Thursday, January 18, 2001, Mike never missed a single day of work, a streak considered absolutely incredible considering the unbelievably unhealthy lifestyle enjoyed by Mike. The streak finally ended when Mike, who reportedly was drooling, foaming at the mouth, and intermittently fetal with some type of intestinal disorder, actually called in sick and missed an entire day of work. See "Fetal Position."

Camel Toe - Phrase that describes the pubic area of a female. Derived from the physical resemblance to the pied region associated with the phalangial areas of these desert beasts.

Candyman - Gentleman that was left disabled after being severely burned in a firebombing several years ago and now makes his living selling candy in front of CVS drugstores. Unofficially adopted by WRIF after running afoul of the law for doing nothing more than trying to earn an honest living selling his candy and being denied by the state Medicaid program for medically necessary services that had been deemed "cosmetic."

Cans - Synonym for breasts. Frequently referred to in Hog Speak, such as "Nice cans there bitch." See "Hog Speak."

Car Wash Joe - Slow-moving and rather inactive employee of a local car wash organization that frequently contacts the show during the various interactive games that are played. Generally treated with respect despite the fact that he is clearly an anchor of immense proportion. See "Anchor."

Carbon Unit - Metaphor for any person.

Cardboard Condo - Phrase that describes miniature habitats constructed by lethargic or slothful manufacturing employees. Generally used for purposes of labor avoidance, slumber, or other inanimate or vegetative behavior.

Carmen, Kam - Fox TV2 personality frequently stalked by Mike because of her beauty, charm, and outright sex appeal. Was driven nearly insane with jealousy in early 1999 when Mike turned his stalking prowess towards her co-worker Lucy Nolan.

Cart 2 - Poorly functioning piece of equipment that is designed to play audio actualities, but is rarely operational. Technical difficulties are generally blamed on it.

Celebrity Assault Tote Board - Scoring system designed to keep track of male assaults on females, and female assaults on males, in order to determine which gender is prevailing. Was erased by some asshole on the afternoon shift (probably Meltdown).

Chamber of Farts, The - Insidious place where individuals are farted upon with no mercy. Originally from a South Park broadcast.

Chinese Arithmetic - Term used as a metaphor for a particularly solid and inflexible erection. For instance: "I was as hard as Chinese arithmetic." Originally from Ike Turner’s autobiography.

Choad - A penis thought to have excessive girth. See "Deathpool Dave."

Chop Job - Disparaging or depreciative editing or interpretation of articulated circumstances. Used by long-time CBS broadcaster Mike Wallace when interviewing Mike's father, Dick Clark.

Choo Choo Lady, The - Lady disintegrated by a train on the "Banned from TV" video. Scene is occasionally surreptitiously edited into other video clips in order to shock and repulse unsuspecting viewers.

Circled Days - Metaphor for the days in which females are experiencing their menstrual cycles.

Circus - General term used to describe media stories that would seem implausible, and yet appear to be true. Usually accompanied by circus-type music.

Clark, Dick - Mike Clark's father. A segment is devoted to him where Letters to the Editor or emails he has written are read over the air.

Clarked - Describes the process of being verbally undressed, groped, and sexually assaulted by Mike Clark. Also "Ministered."

Cliff Notes Theater - Shortened versions of popular films, acted out by Drew, Mike, Trudi, and various other WRIF employees.

Clock Weights - Synonym for the testicles.

Cloud Deck - Describes a particularly impressive remnant of excrement that was abandoned in a toilet bowl or elsewhere. Occasionally used as a metaphor for that which is disgusting.

Clowns - Mischievous individuals thought to be up to no good. Clowns occasionally try to infiltrate various aspects of the show, and must be guarded against at all times.

Clublove.com - Web site offering pornographic services that always seems to have superlative content quicker than it's competitors. Held in high esteem by the WRIF staff. See "Seth."

Commander Astar - The leader of the extra-terrestrials that transport Stan Johnson. See "Stan Johnson."

Cop Pants - Unusual fashion statement advocated by Drew. Apparently, this stems from his favoritism towards a game known as "Hide the Nightstick," which he enjoys playing with certain male friends that are employed in the law enforcement sector. See "Apparently."

Count David Wimp - Mildly developmentally disabled individual that set a goal of counting up to one million by ones on a calculator, simply by adding one plus one and then pressing the plus sign over and over again. Actually reached his goal and continued on. At last check he had reached the five million mark and was closing in on 6. Rumored to dress his wife up as a plus sign in order to achieve sexual excitement.

Courtesy Flush - A second flush of the toilet, generally necessitated by an unusually large liberation of fecal matter. See "Toilet Baby-sitting" and "Cloud Deck."

C.R.A. - Cold Rear Action. Describes anal intercourse between men, which, of course, could absolutely never be considered even remotely "hot," except possibly by show co-producer Marc Fellhauer.

Craning - The act of using one's garments to push up and better accentuate one's breasts

Crank - Synonym for the penis. Generally employed in conjunction with various adjectives as part of colorful descriptive sentences, such as "Bobbitt’s raging crank," "Clinton’s crooked crank," "Liam’s colossal crank," etc.

Crazy Babies - Mike’s phrase for pets.

Cross Swords - Used in reference to urinating along with another male at the same time and either crossing the two urine streams or actual physically forming a cross with the two penises. This phrase alludes to the ancient form of combat using swords.

Crotch Miles - Term that describes the relative amount of sexual activity experienced by a female. See "Odometer Turning Over."

Crotch Post - Device used by sexually desirous females to satisfy their carnal cravings. Consists of a pole-type apparatus that the individual uses to massage her "poison ivy patch." Considered to be conceptually similar to a scratch post as utilized by felines. See "Poison Ivy Patch."

Crow, Sheryl - Pop artist that Drew is in love with. His feelings for her are similar to those he avows for Alanis Morissette, only not as vehement. See "Morissette, Alanis."

Cue Card Guy, The - Frequent tormentor of Bob Hope, tends to not change the cue cards quick enough which inevitably leads to violence against his person.

Cunanan Magnet - Term used to describe show co-producer Mike Wolters, a devoted admirer of the late homosexual murderer Andrew Cunanan.

Cunning Linguist - An individual of above average intelligence that has the ability to communicate in multiple languages.

Cup Check! - Phrase called out by Dan Dildorf, an occasional character that performs a parody of former Monday Night Football commentator and 13 year NFL player Dan Dierdorf. Whenever this phrase is mentioned everyone must rap upon their genital areas in order to assure the presence of protective gear.

Cut Head - Also "Cut Crown." or simply "Cut" Indelicate term used to describe a circumcised penis.

Cut it Out ... (enter name) - General statement made by Mike to anyone that clearly needs to refrain from whatever offensive activity they are engaged in. This phrase has a certain enunciation with it, similar to Hog Speak but different. See also, "Hog Speak."

D

D Mac - Affectionate nick name for the Detroit Red Wings power forward Darren McCarty, an occasional guest on the show.

Daddy Howard - Perverted yet polite man from San Francisco that actively solicits and recruits men via the telephone and newspaper advertisements for the purpose of convincing them to visit his dwelling to receive spankings.

Dan Rather’s Ribs - This began with a media story alleging that "shock rock" moron Marilyn Manson had two ribs removed so that he could perform fellatio upon himself. Somehow (Drew) the focus of this story shifted to CBS news anchor Dan Rather, who now is the principal victim of this rumor.

Dan The Engine Sound Man - Local gentleman that is able to recreate the sounds of various engines with a great deal of accuracy.

Dancin' Doug - Nick name of program director Doug Podell, whose show follows Drew and Mike's.

Daniels, Trudi - Beautiful and sexy news correspondent for the show. Highly erotic nature causes a multitude of male listeners to tune in daily. See "Sebum Head."

Dansaballs - Phrase uttered by oriental individual at a donut shop while attempting to say "Belfourblows". See "Donut Shop Terrorism."

Dave? - Phrase uttered by Tommy Chong when looking for someone named Dave. Has been used to search for David Lee Roth, Deathpool Dave, and others.

David Cassidy - Code phrase used by scatophiles to indicate which individual in such relationships is responsible for defecating into the oral cavities of others. For instance, if one such individual were to ask "Would you be my David Cassidy?" the individual would actually be inquiring as to whether or not the other would be willing to crap in his or her mouth.

Death Star Fart - Describes flatulence of the most putrid variety. The origin of this term is somewhat vague, but has generally been attributed to the "noxious, gassy" atmosphere that leads to the formation of stars in the universe.

Deathpool Dave - Local death pool expert. Developed mathematical formula used for predicting the statistical probability of a celebrity expiring during a given contest year and used it to become the first and only winner in the 5 years of the Death Pool. Served as the Celebrity Cause of Death expert on the Stump the Staff segment. His constant weaseling onto the show and frequent raids upon the WRIF prize closet eventually exhausted the good will of the staff and forced them to snub him in the hopes that he would simply go away. Also, the original compiler of this glossary.

Death Pool, The - Game that takes place in the first week of January in which listeners fax the names of 3 celebrities they think will expire during the new year. First individual to accrue 3 bodies in the contest year receives the entire "Faces of Death" video collection. Inexplicably cancelled in 1999 much to the horror of probably no one but Deathpool Dave.

Death Triangle - Theory that suggests that people die in groups of three, and every death must be accompanied by 2 others.

Def Con Loaf - Phrase describing a copious and immense bowel movement.

Delbert - Elderly resident of Arkansas with entertaining views on various issues.

Delivery Room - Metaphor for the bathroom. Known as such because this is where individuals give birth to "brown babies." Frequently referred to in conjunction with other similar terms, such as "dilation" and "toilet stirrups."

Denise, Nikita - A Czechoslovakian porn actress noted for the peculiar and un-erotic way in which she speaks. Particularly the way she inappropriately adds the sound of the letter K to the end of some things she says

De-Pantsing - Humiliating punishment advocated by Drew that involves removing the pants of certain individuals in an attempt to inflict feelings of vexation and embarrassment. For reasons never fully elucidated, Drew favors directing this particular chastisement toward young boys, such as the country-singing little puke Billy Joe what's-his-name and adolescent actor Hallie Joel Osment. See "It's Crazy."

Designated Loser - The individual assigned to maintaining a state of sobriety so as to safely transport others in the party that are inebriated.

Diaper Face Guy - A contestant named William from the television program "The Benefactor" who became audibly upset as he got kicked off the show. The diaper reference is something Mike Clark came up with, claiming that it sounded like he had a diaper over his face, or that Mike wanted to smother him with a diaper.

Diaper Pail Kids - Term that describes certain perverted and deviant individuals that are sexually excited by adults wearing diapers.

Did They Ever Caulk This Board? - Famous words uttered by Mike Clark in the midst of the Great Coffee Spill of September 18th as he presumably inquired whether the sound board had been caulked by the engineering staff to protect it from Drew and Mike's frequent beverage spills.

Diddling Fridays - Idea that suggested that female listeners journey to the studio on Fridays and masturbate for the amusement and pleasure of the morning crew. This concept was growing in popularity until the staff unintentionally forgot about it, and it never was implemented.

Dirt Bike - Term used to suggest or describe anal sexual intercourse. Also "Riding the Dirt Bike", or "Daddy's Dirt Bike."

Disco Ernie - An affable if somewhat confused gentleman, he is an octogenarian that is generally recognized as the worlds oldest stripper.

Distressed Homo Man - Mike's stressed-out, anxiety-ridden gay character. Sort of like a homosexual version of Mr. Stress. See "Mr. Stress."

D.N.T. - Damn Near Tits, meaning that something is quite close to being spectacular. While F.C.C. guidelines prohibit the airing of this phrase, it can be heard frequently within the WRIF walls.

Doctor Dirty - John Valby, a singing piano player that has made an enviable living by performing popular songs with altered lyrics that are off-color, risqué, and frequently downright lewd and disgusting. Of course, they are also funny as hell and his shows in Detroit are generally sponsored by WRIF and heavily promoted on the Drew and Mike show.

Doctor Disgusto - A twisted and perverse figure from Drew's past. True identity is unknown, and he is proclaimed to invade rest rooms and other public areas only to leave fecal matter splattered in a most devious and insidious manner. Reports in the media of such activities are generally credited to him.

Doggy Style or Lying on Your Side - The only sexual positions available, according to Robert DiNero in the film "This Boy's Life." Audio clip of this was played frequently on the show.

Don't Say Ah - Interactive game in which listeners call the show, and are then presented with a topic that is usually somewhat complex. A prize is awarded if the caller is able to discuss the topic for an established period of time in an at least marginally intelligent manner without saying "ah" or using other common speech fillers.

Don't Stump Mike - Call-in trivia game in which callers win prizes if Mike is actually able to correctly answer the question. Represents an interesting dilemma for Mike, as the game requires him to be portrayed as intellectually challenged when in reality he is a reasonably intelligent man who simply doesn’t bother to memorize worthless trivia information.

Don't Weasel In! - Admonishment from actor Robert Duvall when Drew contacted him directly rather than going through his agent or publicist. This audio clip is played whenever anyone attempts weasel-related activity on the show. See "Weasels."

Donut Man - Proprietor of a donut shop in Colorado that was originally contacted during the Stanley Cup finals of 1996 when the Red Wings were challenging the Colorado Avalanche for the Western Division Championship. This rather good-natured gentleman became an annual focal point for this inter-city rivalry, representing the Colorado fans and actively participating in regional-based belittlement and verbal sparring with Drew and Mike, until going out of business and dropping out of sight prior to the 1999 series.

Donut Shop Terrorism - Phone calls made to donut shops in cities of teams that are opposing a Detroit team in a sporting event. Attempts are then made to convince the caller to page the name of an opposing team member followed by "Blows." For example: Goalie Ed Belfour was to be paged as "Belfourblows".

D.O.T. - Dead On Tits, meaning that something is absolutely spectacular. Similar to D.N.T., F.C.C. guidelines prohibit the airing of this phrase and it is heard in it's entirety only within the WRIF walls.

Double Secret Probation - Dubious status invoked by Drew and imposed upon any individual thought to be behaving in a suspicious manner.

DRAAAAAAPPPPPES!!! - Must be screamed, cannot be spoken. Affectionate nick name for Detroit Red Wing Kris Draper, who scored the game winning goal in overtime of the second game of the 1998 Stanley Cup finals.

Drapes Matching the Carpet - Term that questions whether or not one's hair color matches the color of one's pubic hair.

Dream Weaver Music - The opening chords to Gary Wright’s "Dream Weaver" song are played anytime someone on the show is thought to be boring or "spacing out" the audience. This process is usually rendered by newscaster Trudi Daniels when she is reporting on women’s shoes, local politics, or other such dull, monotonous, dreary, humdrum, tedious or mundane topics.

Drew Blows - Often referred to phrase that stems from an incident at a Detroit Lion's tailgate party that Drew was scheduled to attend but ended up calling-in sick. Program Director Doug Podell made futile attempts to control the drunken and unruly crowd who had begun chanting this phrase, the chants were recorded, and the resulting audio clip has been aired repeatedly. Although somewhat derogatory by nature, the phrase has become a tribute of sorts to Drew. It has been spotted written in the dirt on trucks all across the nation, photographed at European landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower, written on signs at sporting events occurring throughout the country, and on inflatible penises at notable Detroit area sporting events. (pictured: A large inflatible penis with "Drew Blows" written on it makes an appearance at Tigers Opening Day 2005)

Drew Power Hungry Big Head - Drew’s Indian name, which describes the insolent, contemptuous, and disrespectful persona he tends to adopt during the popular Stump the Staff segment. See "Stump the Staff."

Drewlitzer Award - Drew's acknowledgment of literary work that is deemed to be of exceptional quality. Passages regarding masturbation, flatulence, lesbianism, and other such colorful topics are generally considered to be premier contenders for this esteemed and respected honor.

Drew U - Virginia Tech, where Drew attended college.

Drew’s Duds - Describes film, music, or other cultural art recommendations that were affirmed by Drew even though they clearly suck.

Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool - Metaphorical term used to reference the act of defecation. Same as "Growing a Tail", "Laying Cable", "Loafing Down", "Releasing the Hostages", "Stocking the Pond", and "Taking the Cleveland Browns to the Superbowl."

Dropping Trou - Describes the act of removing or lowering one’s pants.

Drops - Audio clips that are aired at strategic moments and are intended to be humorous.

DSLs - Dick Sucking Lips

Dudley - Mike's bird.

Dust - Term used to describe the orgasmic output of elderly individuals. Frequently worked into sentences such as "The milkshake sprayed her with dust." See "Milkshake."

Dutch Oven, The - A slang name for a practical joke played on bedmates by restraining them under the covers after you have passed gas.

DW'ed - Dick Whipped. Describes women that are subservient, subordinate, and groveling towards their men, as they should be.

E

Eating at the Salad Bar - Term used to describe the act of one man performing oral sex upon another man's anus. See "Toss My Salad."

Ed - Pathetic loser with an internet campaign designed to attract a potential bride. Was allowed to interview potential candidates on the air, and instead of concentrating on the women at hand he instead focused on himself by directing all banter and conversation internally. Also pushed his voice. See "Pushing Your Voice" and "Rod."

Editorial Voice - Voice used by Drew to read editorials and email, inparticular letters to the editor sent in by people (usually disgruntled women) to various publications such as People and USA Today. Known for it's raspy, bull dyke sound and how all the letters end with "Shame on you ______" where the blank is filled in by naming whatever individual or organization the writer is against (usually the very publication being read).

Effeminate Man With a Cold - Drew's alter ego, used to imitate the voice of a homosexual man.

Elastovag - Flexible sexual organ rumored to be possessed by women that give birth to large children. See "Big Ole Baby."

Electric Chair Booster Seat - Proposed solution for young perpetrators of crimes that may be too young for the standard electric chair.

Electric Couch - Time-saving device proposed by Drew and Mike in order to execute a greater number of people more efficiently.

Electric Playpen - Yet another proposed solution to the more-and-more frequent problem of criminal activities committed by youthful perpetrators. Stemmed from a short period of time in which there were several incidents of hideous acts committed by individuals that were legally too young for long-term incarceration, and would have to be released from custody on or about their 18th birthday.

Electrolyte Dump - Metaphor for a particularly mellifluous defecation. Named as such due to the large amount of electrolytes known to exit the body during such overly liquid excretions.

Elephant Walk - Process in which several men walk around, each holding the penis of the fellow behind him. Began with a story about a hockey team that required this process as part of a team initiation.

Elvie - One of eight individuals in the United States that possesses a legal prescription for medical marijuana, and an occasional guest on the show. Known to take the concept of marijuana use to extremes by not only smoking it, but also making clothes out of it and writing and singing pot-related songs.

Elvis - A frequent guest commentator on the show.

Enchanted Mitten - Mike's proposed idea for the official state motto. Completely shot to hell by Governor John Engler in a 7/16/98 interview when he pointed out to Mike that there is also an upper peninsula in Michigan.

Explosion Lady - A woman, who was being interviewed by the show about fighting off carjackers, that Mike noticed would often exhale heavily over the phone, causing a muffled, explosion-like sound to be heard over the receiver. Subsequently, further explosion ladies have been encountered since this first discovery.

F

Fake! - Obvious reference to something being fake. Known for the terse and loud way it is typically said.

Falcon, Jonah - Gentleman that claims to possess the world's largest penis.

Fart Cart - Describes a piece of audio equipment that contains digitally recorded intonations of flatulence. Generally employed while discussing women that are not considered to be sexually desirable, such as Hillary Clinton, Linda Tripp, or any female athlete other than under-aged skaters.

Farticle - The individual tiny, invisible, but usually quite noxious flatus particles emitted during a fart.

Fat Chicks - Known specifically as Drew's wheelhouse, as he has long proclaimed a proclivity towards females that are gravitationally challenged and would benefit significantly from comprehensive weight reduction programs. See "Wheelhouse."

Feces - Obvious reference to fecal matter, known for its peculiar, drawn-out pronunciation. Frequently prefaced with "Surprise!"

Felching - Sexual act allegedly made popular by actor Richard Gere in which a gerbil is placed into the anal cavity via paper towel tube or other cyndrilical object for the purpose of obtaining sexual gratification. Also "The Gerbil."

Fellhauer Flu - A particularly virulent form of influenza that is known for having multiple strains.

Fetal Position - Metaphor used to describe individuals suffering from a debilitating illness, usually of a temporary nature. For instance: "Mariah’s diarrhea turned her into a fetal position case."

Fight Song Turd - Name given to a special man who can sing any major college's fight song off by heart and entirely acapella. Most notable for the overly enthusiastic and nasally way the songs are sung. Now gone into hiding after a pummelling by WRIF callers, Drew and Mike renamed him "The Fight Song Genius" in a so far failed attempt to get him back on the show.

Finders Keepers Losers Weepers Babe - Frequently aired audio clip that originated after an armored car overturned and spilled money into the inner-city streets of Miami. Represents the explanation of one such ghetto resident that was asked why she would not be returning to the authorities any of the money she found.

Fleshy Fun Bridge - See "Taint."

Floggin' It - Describes the act of masturbation by a male. Also "Belting the Bald Bishop," "Wristin' It", and "Punching the Clown."

Fluff - Stoned-out former caddie for Tiger Woods that makes occasional guest appearances on the show.

Fluffed - Term that describes a penis that has been mildly stirred from placidity so as to appear larger than if it had not received such stimulation. Thought to be advantageous to its appearance as such a penis, though not erect, would nonetheless appear larger than a completely flaccid unit, thereby giving a deceitful yet complimentary appearance of grandiosity. See "Off- The-Bag."

Forest - Area of particularly dense and seemingly impenetrable female pubic hair. References to this term will frequently be accompanied by the sound of an ax chopping wood, and the term is frequently applied to the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. See "Hair Bomb."

Fried Eggs - Synonym for small breasts.

Friend of Dorothy - Code phrase homosexuals use in order to identify each other. For instance, if one gentleman were to ask another whether or not he was a "friend of Dorothy," he would actually be inquiring as to the man’s sexual preference.

Fritz - A milkman that for some reason decided to attempt to set the Guinness World Record for the most interviews. In and of itself this was not all that remarkable, however, by some bizarre twist of fate this guy actually became involved with Mike Babone, and now the two are interviewing together. The participatory status of the actions of these two individuals brings forth a level of absurdity and preposterousness that is indescribable, beyond reason, and completely unfathomable. See "Babone, Mike."

Fugly - Fucking Ugly. Describes an individual whose appearance transcends that of the merely unattractive and enters the realms of downright repulsive. See "Meltdown."

Full Bag - Term used to describe male individuals that have not engaged in sexual activities for an extended period of time. See "Back Pressure" and "PSI."

Full Figured Dating - Interactive game in which listeners that are large in stature call in to speak to other listeners that are attracted to large people. The main objective of the game is to get fat people dates.

Full Weasel Mode - Openly and admittedly attempting to gain something by using any and all of a variety of unscrupulous techniques. See "Weasel."

G

Gazoo - Describes an individual portrayed in an almost picture-in-picture type of format on a television show, such as the spouse or significant other of a game show contestant that is shown behind the contestant while he or she plays the game. Derives its name from the little green alien character on the Flintstones, who was generally seen hovering over someone’s shoulder.

General, The - University of Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight, a frequent guest on the show. Comments are generally punctuated by beeps designed to conceal profanity.

Gerbil, The - See "Felching."

Get a Room - General statement made to anyone that is deemed to being enjoying something too much. For instance, anyone trumpeting a particular television show, snack food, sports team, etc. will be instructed to "get a room" with it.

Get a Rubber - General statement made to anyone thought to have too many brats.

Getting Rid of a Body - A tremendous amount of discussion has been generated on the show regarding the best way to perform this task, and it has been determined that there is simply no proficient way for murderers to accomplish this chore. Buried bodies get dug up by dogs or other animals, bodies left in houses or crawl spaces emanate foul odors, cutting bodies up leaves behind admissible blood and tissue evidence, and so forth. According to Drew and Mike, there simply is no best way to go about it.

Gingerale - Synonym for beer, the preferred beverage of Mickey Redmond.

Glass Table - Frequently referred to prop, used by individuals that desire close-up views of others that are in the act of eliminating waste, but wish to avoid being soiled by the resulting materials. Similar to a Hot Carl, but not as messy. See "Hot Carl."

Glistener - Synonym for an erect penis. Derives its name from the small amount of fluid that discharges prior to full ejaculation during periods of sexual excitement.

Glory Hole - A hole in a wall, generally in a public bathroom or house of pornography, that certain men thrust their genitalia through so that they can be sexually serviced by a man on the other side. Editors Note: See the "Guide to Glory Holes" in Part 4.

God - Formerly Terrell Clark Williams, this cranky asshole changed his name to God for no apparent reason and then pushed his "fame" in order to secure appearances on various media outlets.

Graff, Gary - Former musical correspondent to the show. Also known as the "Rain Man of Rock" and "Mr. Big Stuff," his segment was moved to the afternoon show in early 1999.

Gratuitous Rock Star Thank You - Used to both open and close the show, Drew and Mike's method of thanking the listeners for listening: "Are you ready? (Ready) Thank you! Detroit!"

Growing a Tail - Metaphorical term used to reference the act of defecation. Same as "Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool", "Laying Cable", "Loafing Down", "Releasing the Hostages", "Stocking the Pond", and "Taking the Cleveland Browns to the Superbowl."

H

H and D - Hump and Dump. Used to describe one individual using another for sexual purposes only, and then dismissing the person completely. Also "Nut and Bolt."

Hair Bomb - Term meant to imply the presence of an excessive amount of pubic hair. For instance: "It looks like a hair bomb went off down there."

Half Guy - Phrase used to describe newscaster Trudi Daniels, because despite being feminine and sexy she is also generally really hip to guy stuff.

Hang Time - The amount of time between when flatulence is emanated and when the resulting stench dissipates. See "Attic Farts" and "Death Star Fart."

Harris, Alexander - British gentleman with an very cool voice and interesting accent. First discovered during an English Harris Poll regarding opinions towards the English monarchy, he is best known for his enunciation of the word "boner."

Harris Poll - Telephone requests for opinions to individuals with the last name of Harris. Usually results in an attempt to convince the Harris that his or her opinion is incorrect, especially if the Harris's opinion is different than that of Drew and Mike's.

He Women - Describes females that are incredibly cool, are well informed regarding issues generally associated with the male gender, and listen to Drew and Mike.

Hedgehog - Also known as "The Hog," this is the nickname for pornography star Ron Jeremy, a disgustingly fat, unattractive, and hairy individual that none the less seems to appear in almost every pornographic film ever made. It was his name that led to the genesis of Hog Speak. See "Hog Speak."

Helmet - Also "Purple Helmet." Describes the glans, or head of the penis. Often used as part of a descriptive sentence, such as "I think there might have been a helmet graze," or "He left a helmet print on her forehead."

Hernandez Poll - Basically this is the same as a Harris Poll, only it is used to poll Hispanic individuals. See "Harris Poll."

Hey kids, doesn't that guy look like uncle Bob? - Phrase used at a Detroit Pistons game by Bruce Hornsby, it is thought, to get rid of Drew, who admittedly may have lingered too long in his conversation with Bruce. It is surmised that the phrase was either made up on the fly or was previously agreed upon by Bruce and his children in order to get rid of fans that over stay their welcome.

Hide-a-Rack - Mythical device thought to conceal or disguise the presence of breasts. Thought to exist after detailed analysis of photographic evidence regarding the actress Wynona Ryder, who at times appears to possess large mammary glands while at other times not.

High Maintenance - Individual that requires far too much attention and work to keep happy. Usually a female.

High Road, The - Hypocritical position occasionally assumed by Drew while pretending to be above and superior to a given activity. For instance: Refusing to accept religious figures as candidates for the Death Pool.

Hoagie - A reference to the penis that serves as a metaphor for sex with a man. For instance: "She got some hoagie last night," or "She likes a variety of hoagie."

Hog Speak - A method of enunciation that is impossible to effectively summarize in a printed narrative. Began with a certain pronunciation of "Hog," and was then extended to several other areas of the vernacular. See "Hedgehog."

Homo Within, The - Describes latent homosexual feelings that must be defended against, such as those felt by Mike while listening to David Bowie recordings. See "Throaty Bowie."

Hooters Jacket Guy - Drew’s impression of anyone that would wear a Hooters jacket. Represents an loquacious and elegant portrayal of any average, beer drinking, trailer-dwelling, blue-collar type of Hooters patron.

Hot Carl - Twisted sexual act practiced by scatophiles. Involves defecating directly upon someone’s face, or being defecated upon in this manner by another. The recipient of the waste matter generally will wrap his or her face in Saran Wrap prior to receiving the load.

How's My Dictate? - Phrase uttered by the former lover of a female to her current sexual partner. Meant to inquire as to the current partner's opinion of the former partner's writing skills.

H.R.A. - Hot Rear Action. Refers to anal intercourse that is particularly satisfactory and gratifying. Frequent attempts are made to work this phrase into interviews and other segments of the show.

H.S.A. - Hot Solo Action. Describes the act of self-gratification, particularly by a female. See "Daniels, Trudi."

Hudson, Walter - Deceased gentleman that weighed over 1,000 pounds at the time of his demise, and was known to use his bathtub as a toilet. Rescue workers were forced to remove and entire wall in order to extricate his corpse from his home. Stories regarding extremely obese individuals will frequently reference this man. See "Skank."

Huh Marc?(Revised) - Used to refer a question to Marc Fellhauer, a WRIF staff member thought to know everything because he is a graduate from the University of Michigan.

Hunkering Down - Metaphor for the female vaginal acceptance of a penis. For instance, "She was really hunkering down on that hoagie."

HUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGEEEE !!!! - This phrase is used whenever describing something that is of mammoth proportions. As with so many other phrases on the show, there is a particular method of pronunciation that accompanies this statement.

I

Ice Hole - Refers to individuals that, despite the presence of temperatures that have been well above freezing for extended periods of time, insist upon venturing upon rapidly thawing ice masses that are jeopardous, unreliable, and altogether perilous. Invariably, several of these dullards end up needing rescuing by the Coast Guard at significant expense to taxpayers, some of them several times over. See " Make Ice Holes Give a Credit Card" in the "Drew's Ideas" section.

I Must Be Living Under a Mushroom! - Phrase used whenever there is a reference in the media to something that is not understood, such as a "celebrity" that the hosts have never heard of. Originated when Drew and Mike were making fun of someone at WJR that had never heard of Pamela Lee Anderson. As with so many other aspects of the show, there is a certain vocal articulation associated with this phrase.

ICBM - While best known as a standard acronym for the phrase "Inter Continental Ballistic Missile", this abbreviation has been a source of great amusement to Drew and Mike because it can be construed to mean "I See Bowel Movement."

Icy Patch - Describes the lack of carnal appetite of any given female. See "Patch."

Idiota - A magical Spanish word used by Bi-Lingual Man that causes the Hispanic individual on the phone line to become angry and enraged. Roughly translated, it means "Homosexual Imbecile." See "Bi-Lingual Man."

If There's a Hole, Something's Going in it - General rule of physics as defined by Drew and Mike, similar to "What goes up, must come down."

I'm Going to Have Your Ass Burnt! Statement made to Drew and Mike during an interview with a man that had been convicted of having sex with a dog. References on the show to the topic of people having sex with animals will frequently hearken back to this interview, with questions such as "I wonder if we had an ass burning" or similar inquiries. See "Sunshine."

Immunity List - List of five individuals, usually celebrities, that one is allowed to have sexual relations with while not incurring the ire of one's mate.

Incoherent Call of the Week - Occasional segment of the show that is aired when someone that is obviously out-of-touch with reality or under the extreme influence of mind altering substances contacts the show. The resulting dialog is recorded and then aired.

Internet Guy - Describes Drew’s vocal narration of messages emailed to WRIF and read on the air.

Insignificant Trivia - Interactive game that is played whenever there is simply too much legitimate trivia information available pertaining to a given issue. Callers are awarded prizes if the question posed is deemed to be the most insignificant and meaningless.

Iodine - Medicinal ointment that, according to Mike, should be applied in generous quantities to the genital regions of unchaste and sexually promiscuous females whose sexual organs suffer repeated abuse.

Irresponsible Speculation - Openly engaged in and encouraged on the show. Usually involves taking a questionable media story, making the assumption that it is true, and then expanding upon the implicities in an irresponsible manner.

Isn't That Wild? - Catch phrase of Bob Hope, an occasional guest on the show.

Isolation Booth - Chamber where various show participants are placed so that they can hear but cannot speak.

It's Crazy - General term used to explain anything that otherwise would defy explanation. Originated when Mike Clark was having his new home built and the contractors were permanently drywalling popcans and other refuse into the wall. Mike confronted the foreman about this and his explantion was basically, "I know, it's crazy"

Izzy - Occasional guest on Bong Hit Championships. His primary job description requires him to giggle during the contest.

J

J.O. Play - Term first defined by the San Francisco Jacks organization and used to reference male masturbation, usually of a group nature. See "Jacks, The."

Jacks, The - A national organization with local chapters spanning from San Francisco to Orlando where men get together for mutual and group masturbation sessions. The organization is neither a business nor a religion, but rather a like-minded group of individuals such as show producer Marc Fellhauer. No cock sucking or butthole play is allowed, and clothes check is mandatory. Additional information can be obtained by calling (415) 267-6999.

Jackson Time - A measure of time measured in 45 minute increments. This is in reference to the Michael Jackson drop where Jackson claims that he was locked in a police station restroom for 45 minutes. As suggested by Mike Clark, a clock using Jackson Time would have two small hands on it. This is in reference to the assumption that Michael Jackson is a pedophile

Jasina Your Way In Originates from a snowy morning when Drew was listening to the WWJ AM950 on the radio on the way to work. WWJ morning team personality Roberta Jasina called in to her station on her way to work and gave a traffic report as if she wasnt late, but was, stating "Roberta Jasina, reporting on the roads". According to Drew, the time was approximately 04:55am and she starts her morning show at 05:00am. At approximately 5:10, WWJ morning personality Joe Donovan was in the middle of conducting an interview when suddenly Roberta began to ask questions from in-studio, acting as if she had been there the whole time and not just arrived.

Jennifer - Simpson’s expert occasionally utilized during the Stump the Staff segment. Bitterly hated and despised by Marc Fellhauer and Mike Wolters.

Jensen, Luke - The "rock and roll" professional tennis player from Michigan is an occasional guest on the show. Perhaps best known for his fondness of heavy metal music and "going for it."

Jerry - "Head" man and leader of the San Francisco Jacks organization. See "San Francisco Jacks."

Jettisoning the Pollen - Term used to describe the male orgasm. Also "Venting the Seed Bag."

JFK Jr. or No JFK Jr. - Interactive game played for some period of time after the death of JFK Jr. in which listeners would call in and guess whether or not a randomly selected television station would be airing a story about the unfortunate accident. Meant as an exercise in pointing out the absurdity of excessive media coverage, as opposed to any type of insensitive behavior on the part of Drew and Mike, as they are almost never insensitive to the misfortunes of others.

John F. Kennedy assassination - See "November 22nd, 1963"

John Malkovic Sound Alike Guy - A gentleman that occasionally calls in to the show, and sounds just like actor John Malkovic.

Johnny Appleweed Day - Pseudo-holiday championed by 59 year old stoner and award-winning marijuana grower Jack Herrarr. The intent of this celebration is to have multiple individuals spend an entire day planting marijuana seeds throughout the country in order to encourage and advance the cultivation of the plant . Despite being interviewed for well over 15 minutes, he forgot to mention what day this event was supposed to occur.

Johnny Spirit - Colorful Michigan State alumni known for attending school related events while painted in the school green and white colors and dressed as a Trojan.

Johnson, Stan - Big Foot and extra-terrestrial expert and author from Oregon, he claims to travel around the universe and occasionally visit the inside of Mars. Frequently pitted against anyone claiming to have knowledge of Big Foot or any extra-terrestrial being. Generally cranky and cantankerous, but can be appeased if one pretends to believe him.

Johnston, Carly - Beautiful, exquisite, radiant, sensual and libiduously attractive former member of the WRIF promotions department. Once gave me a tee shirt with my name embroidered on it.

Joke Bags - Synonym for any female breasts that maintain a post-implant status.

...Just Disconnected - Part of a phrase used whenever calling back a person as if to suggest there was a problem with the phone connection when it was quite obvious that they had hung up.

K

Kevin Bacon Connector Guy, The - A gentleman that purports to be able to connect any actor to Kevin Bacon via common films. For instance, Michael Keaton: Appeared in "Batman" with Jack Nicholson, who appeared in "A Few Good Men" with...Kevin Bacon. Was stumped with Angela Lansbury only.

Kid Gloves - To treat someone with great care, one would employ the use of said gloves.

L

L.P.S.G. - Acronym for Large Penis Support Group, an organization devoted to providing assistance and advocacy to well endowed males.

Lance - Affable gentleman that, despite attaining the age of 43, remains a virgin. Upon original contact it was assumed that this was a simply a radio bit, however when it became apparent that no commerce was involved it was realized that this guy was indeed for real.

Landing Strip - Describes a female pubic region that has been stylishly fashioned into a rectangular pattern. So named because such a region provides "Daddy" with a proper area in which to land his "plane."

Later! - All written correspondence with the WRIF morning show MUST terminate with this closure.

Lawrence - Bob Boner's gay assistant. No last name has ever been specified.

Laying Cable - Metaphorical term used to reference the act of defecation. Same as "Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool," "Growing a Tail", "Loafing Down", "Releasing the Hostages", "Stocking the Pond", and "Taking the Cleveland Browns to the Superbowl."

LBJ's Shower - Drew and Mike interviewed the man that was the White House plumber during the Johnson administration, and according to him President Johnson had ordered that the shower be aimed directly at his anal region and the pressure set on high. Despite being somewhat obscure and questionable, this point is occasionally referenced on the show.

Lesbian Kiss - Game in which female contestants go to the studio and make out with each other for prizes.

Let's Get It Up! - Frequently aired clip of UPN 50 sportscaster Ray Lane incorrectly verbalizing the 1997 Red Wings promotional phrase "Let's Get Up!" Commonly used as a sexual reference.

Lexanna - Sweet and kindly old lady that essentially raised professional boxer Evander Holyfield, but is now broke and destitute. WRIF listeners are encouraged to send her money at: Lexanna Locke, P.O. Box 147, Atmore, AL, 36504.

Lightfoot, Ed - Local pervert that was thrown in jail for making hundreds of obscene telephone calls to area high school girls. He was actually allowed access to a telephone in jail, and used it to continue his twisted crusade. He has been ridiculed mercilessly on the show, and his character still makes occasional guest appearances. Best known for being "sorry" for his various behavioral digressions.

Lilliana - Yugoslavian slut that attempted to gain favor with Mike in order to procure access out of the country during the NATO bombing raids of early 1999.

Ling, Lisa - An actress who is often confused, primarily by Mike Clark, with fellow actress Lucy Liu. See "Brody, Adrien", "Liu, Lucy", "Qualls, D.J."

Little Man in the Canoe - Synonym for the clitoris. Also "Boy in the Hood."

Liu, Lucy - An actress who is often confused, primarily by Mike Clark, with fellow actress Lisa Ling. See "Brody, Adrien", "Ling, Lisa", "Qualls, D.J."

Lloyd Ludkey Rule - States that contest winners must appear to be extremely happy, delighted, or even downright ecstatic upon being informed that they have won a prize. Stemmed from an incident in February 1999 when the gentleman that gave the rule it’s name appeared rather apathetic and unemotional after winning a trip to Maui. Later superceded by the "Mike Machesky Rule"

Loafing Down - Metaphorical term used to reference the act of defecation. Same as "Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool," "Growing a Tail", "Laying Cable", "Releasing the Hostages", "Stocking the Pond", and "Taking the Cleveland Browns to the Superbowl."

Log Jam - Term that alludes to the presence of an excessive amount of fecal matter.

Looney Tune - Parody song designed to be entertaining. May be an original song or a change of the words to an existing song.

Looper - Synonym for ejaculated sperm. Also "Spare Change," "Throw," and "Toss."

Love Getty - A beeper-type device concocted by a Japanese inventor that is designed to activate whenever two individuals with similarly programmed interests come within 15 feet of one another. While it was originally intended to bring individuals of similar backgrounds and interests together into a social setting, it was thoroughly sullied by the WRIF morning crew when they suggested all sorts of deviant sexual behaviors to be programmed into it.

Love Jet - Spray-on Viagra-type substance purported to induce an instant erection without the negative side affects associated with more traditional pharmaceutical modalities. Invented by Japanese innovator Dr. Nakamatsu, who markets it with such catchy phrases as "Berry berry good!" and "Like a sky-a-rocket!". May be ordered by calling (412) 810-0022.

L.O.S. - Acronym for lump of shit

M

Mabe, Tom - Gentleman from Kentucky that is known for harassing telemarketers in a humorous fashion. Released 2 CDs of this type of material.

Mackie - Refers to a girl from Iceland that was contacted by Drew and Mike while conducting a poll about "Bun Day," an Icelandic holiday that occurs prior to Lent and involves the squirting of cream into pastries. She spoke in a sexually explicit manner, indicated that she was a model, and offered to send revealing photographs. While this offer initially was most tantalizing, it only led to bitter disappointment when it was eventually discovered that Mackie was indeed butt ugly. See "Fugly."

Madonna Rotting - According to Drew, a series of chronological images of the pop star indicate that she is apparently experiencing an accelerated rate of decay.

Man Hating Brief Case Toting Beast of a Bitch - Phrase used by Mike to describe Hillary Clinton. Also "The Beast."

Marcel Marceau - It is impossible to assign any relevant meaning to this bizarre phenomena in a printed narrative. Suffice it to say that if one person says "Marcel", the other must respond with "Marceau." This process will go back and forth repeatedly until one participant or the other gives up and discontinues the dialogue. Occasionally one participant will try to fool the other by stating the other's portion of the phrase - for instance the "Marcel" individual might say "Marceau" instead. This basically never works, and only succeeds in reversing the order of the game.

Marc and Mike’s Mistakes - Describes film, music, or other cultural art recommendations that were affirmed by either of the show’s producers even though they clearly suck.

Marc’s Pooh Pooh Powder - Describes an elixir advocated by show producer Marc Fellhauer that is designed to break-up and obliterate impacted fecal matter and mucous buried deep within the colon. May be obtained by calling the manufacturer at (800) 331-8354.

Marsupial Mice - A type of rodent frequently referred to on the show that do nothing but pursue sexual activity. They do not eat, drink, sleep, or pursue any activities other than sex until eventually they die from hunger, thirst, or just plain exhaustion. These animals are held in the highest of regards by all WRIF staff members, except possibly Trudi.

Meltdown - See "Fugly."

Menstrual Shed - Off-site shanty location where women experiencing their menstrual cycles are placed so as not to disturb others. Originally from a story about Randy Weaver, who achieved notoriety during the Ruby Ridge / FBI fiasco in the early 1990s.

Merkin - A pubic hair wig. An actual device, it first came to light during the Marv Albert trial in 1997.

Methane, Mr. - English "farteist" that can not only fart on command, but actually performs songs via flatulence. Perhaps best known for his poignant and heart warming renditions of the Titanic theme song "My Heart Will Go On" and Stevie Wonder’s "I Just Called to Say I Love You."

Mike's Helicopter - Farcical attempt at a hobby by Mike. Thought by most to be dangerous and ill-advised.

Mike Machesky Rule - A rule which states that contest winners must at least appear to be extremely happy, delighted, or even downright ecstatic upon being informed that they have won a prize or else risk having said prize taken from them. Stemmed from an incident where a man by the name of Mike Machesky proceeded to not only show no excitement after learning he had won a trip to Maui, but instead began to question whether he could even go since he would need a babysitter for his children. He would later inquire about how much taxes he would have to pay inorder to receive the prize. Unaminously declared the station's worst winner ever in any contests of any form. See "Lloyd Ludkey Rule"

Mike’s Misses - Describes film, music, or other cultural art recommendations that were affirmed by Mike even though they clearly suck.

Mike's Promises - An ongoing list of promises composed of ones that Mike Clark has made the mistake of making while on the air. Most of these promises ultimately end up going unfulfilled or at the very least, take an inordinant amount of time to complete.

Milk Bags - Synonym for female breasts.

Milkshake - Mildly derogatory term used to describe someone that has lived long enough to be considered elderly. Such individuals are usually anchors. See "Anchor."

Millennium Fire - This farce began with a gentleman named Herbert Spencer, a native of Haw River North Carolina, as he and some associates were partaking in some malted barley refreshments (pronounced "BE - AH") while gathered around a campfire in October of 1999. At some point, while growing progressively more inebriated, the idea to keep the fire burning until the new millennium was born. Communication of this notion soon led to the "Millennium Fire" brand name, various corporate sponsorships, national media attention, the designation of a number of memorials to lost friends and family members, daily "Millennium Fire" weather forecasts, and, in essence, a degree of ridicuality that almost rivaled even that of Mike Babone.

Milton (Romanowski) - A unfortunate gentleman from Norwich, New York who ended up being retrained by his "friends" so that they could tattoo a penis onto his forehead using a homemade tattoo needle, along with the phrase, "I SUCK BIG DICK". Drew and Mike soon discovered that Milton was a huge tool after they had him come to Detroit to have his tattoo removed by Dr. Roche. Drew and Mike concluded that the fact that he is a tool was probably the reason he was tattooed in the first place. (pictured: Milton's forehead upon arrival to Detroit. He was actually successful in rubbing some of it off initially)

Minister of Fantasy, The - Phrase used to describe Mike as he depicts his hallucinatory fantasies of sexual encounters with newscasters Kam Carmen, Lucy Nolan, and Michael Ann Wolf; singer Karen Newman; or pretty much any other attractive female.

Ministered - Describes the process of being verbally undressed, groped, and sexually assaulted by Mike Clark. Also "Clarked."

Minnesota Fabrics - Mike's favorite store. He is frequently seen shopping here, and is usually holding his wife's purse.

Miss O.C.C. - Character portrayed by newscaster Trudi Daniels in commercial advertisements for Oakland Community College. The prestige of this honor was greatly deflated in early 1999 when it was noted that several other radio stations had their own versions of the Miss O.C.C. character.

Miss Science - Title designated to newscaster Trudi Daniels when she attempts to explain scientific matters in her news cast.

Mitchell - Gentleman from New York that first gained fame for setting a record for the most parking tickets – over $100,000 worth – and then for being a great interview.

Mom’s Phone Number - Occasionally, staff members will agree to various wagers with listeners. As a result of several losing listeners defaulting on their obligations, it has since become official staff policy that when listeners agree to gambling arrangements with WRIF staff members they must supply the phone number of their mother so that if they lose and then default the staff can tell on them.

Money Shot - The footage of a pornographic film that depicts the male ejaculation. A favourite phrase of Paula Abdul

Morissette, Alanis - This is by far Drew’s favorite recording artist. He has professed his unconditional love for her on multiple occasions, defended her vehemently when others spoke ill of her, and basically pays homage to her at every opportunity. See "Get a Room."

Mouse in a Haystack - Metaphorical term used to suggest the presence of a small penis. Frequently used to describe Mike's genital status.

Mr. Big Stuff - Phrase used to describe someone that may or may not be attempting to impress others with his or her activities, usually involving someone famous. Frequently combined with Jackson 5 song of the same title. Frequently used to describe Gary Graff.

Mr. Skin - Gentleman from Chicago with savant-like recollection of scenes in films that include female nudity. He maintains a web site that can be accessed at http://www.mrskin.com. As of this writing, his recollection does not include references to male nudity.

Mrs. Jazzerzab - A woman with an extremely piercing voice who answered the phone when Drew and Mike were trying to contact a Mr. Jazzerzab about something relating to a potty chair

Mullet - Describes a particular hair style that features a close crop in the front and longer locks in the back (Business up front, party in the back!). Was marginally popular in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s in the wake of Billy Ray Cyrus’s inexplicable popularity, and is now used as a simple metaphor for people that just look stupid.

Murderer Lover - Any individual that: A) Does not support the death penalty, or B) Supports someone that has been accused of murder, even if the individual has not been convicted, since according to Drew and Mike he or she is undoubtedly guilty anyway, except for Jeffrey McDonald, with whom Mike and Trudi are both in love with.

Mushroom On A Haystack - Describing an erection and pubic hair

Mustache Bagel - The favorite food of race car driver Emo Fittipaldi, an occasional guest on the Stump Howard segment of the show.

My Penis My Buttocks - Surprisingly catchy song edited together from Michael Jackson interview and combined with dance music. Frequently left on various answering machines as a joke.